With the birth of a baby, comes in a lot of comparisons: of both the mother and the child. Everyone compares the mother to other mothers around or of the previous generation, the same goes for the children. Have we ever thought how -painful this could -be for the mother?
Comparing the mode of delivery (vaginal vs c section), type of feeding (Breastfeeding vs formula feeding), how the mother takes the child out (baby carriers vs strollers vs carrying them in arms). Everything that a woman does, is prone to judgement! Little do people realise that they criticise both sides of the coins. Nothing is really acceptable to them. This is like saying whatever you do, you will be judged, Woman!
In fact, even the babies aren’t spared. Why is he so lean? Why isn’t he rolling over yet, he is already 5 months old. Why isn’t he crawling/walking/talking yet? Why is he still breastfeeding? Why is he not potty/pee trained?
All these statements lead us to believe that there are two important solutions to these problems. one is receiving the acceptance from others around us and the second is accepting ourselves, as we are.
Acceptance from others
When the child is 5/10/15 years old, is anyone ever going to be bothered about when did he first rollover/crawl/walk/speak? Will anyone ever ask his mother how did she give birth to him? Or did she breastfeed him or not? If these things are not going to matter after a few years, why are we judging the women then? What kind of pleasure are we deriving out of this?
We spoke to 15 mothers and they told us that being judgmental is the easiest thing to do. While accepting things is difficult, it is not impossible. Let us do ourselves a favour and stop judging other women and their kids over various parameters.
What can be worse than nagging aunties/ neighbours/other women/colleagues, is when we judge ourselves.
- We need to accept that the toys will be strewn all over the house and it is perfectly alright to let it be like that. The laundry may not be done on time and the worse is that it may not even be hung out to dry on time.
- It is okay to take late and quick showers and have absolutely no time to even brush your hair every single day. Most mothers say that on most days, they brush their hair only when they wash them.
- We need to accept that children don’t sleep through the night for the first two years of their lives and it’s perfectly normal for a mother to feel sleepless. It’s a phase everyone goes through.
- Social life changes and YES, it is a big change. Mothers don’t get to go out alone on most days. In fact, mothers who stay in nuclear families don’t even get to use the washroom without their child(ren) being around. Women tend to lose out on friends as well. This is because not everyone would be interested in talking about baby potty, their feeding time etc. It’s time to make friends with other mommies now.
- It is normal for the kids to have bad days, the days when they are cranky, clingy and howling out. As a family, such moods rub off on each other and the parents become irritated as well. Let’s be honest, it is not easy to remain calm when the kid is crying and there is nothing that you can do to ease his pain. But as an adult, if we lose our cool, who will take care of the child?
Let’s accept that our lives have changed after the arrival of the baby. This small acceptance goes a long way in keeping ourselves happy. The end result being a happy mother leads to a happy child and eventually a happy family.